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Not always sunny

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„Is that true that your sweet girls were preterm??“ – I have received such an email. „Really really? And they are fine now? And does it mean that my little one can be also fine..one day…?“. This email was a motivation to share with you our sad story too.

Yes, our girls were preterm. Both. Hanna was born with 1800 grams and Mila was born with 1600 grams. And, however strong I wanna be, it was the most difficult time of our life.

With Hanna: all the pregnancy was fine, I was feeling good and happy. And suddenly, in around 27th week, all the action has started: the mother mouth started to open, I started to have contractions. When somebody is telling me that her giving birth process lasted long hours, I’m answering that mine was more than 6 weeks. Yes, for 6 weeks we managed to keep our curious Hanna inside.

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I’m not a person who can stay for long in one place. During those 6 long weeks I was not only in one place (hospital) but also in same position, with legs up. Uuuuu, what a lesson of patience it was! And of schizophrenia: be aware that you can become mummy every minute BUT please calm down, relax and don’t give birth for next 3 months. Ja ja ja.

Long and sad story it is, but everything turned up to be fine. Hanna was born naturally, we were in very good hospital with a great pre-term babies department, after another 8 weeks of living in the hospital already with little Hanna, she managed to cross a magic 2 kilogrammes and we went home…

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How much I was waiting for each step of her development! First breastfeeding (for few weeks she didn’t have a reflex of sucking, so she needed a pipe into stomach), first hugging (we could have taken her out of the incubator only after few days), first bathing, first walk… But it all came. And, I have a feeling, gave us a triple happiness after all.

Hanna was growing fast, and even if people were stopping me on the street to see this new-born („just few days old, right?“ „no no, 5 months“), we were very happy. Fast we have forgotten about all this pain and worries, we checked with different doctors from time to time if no surprise is hiding, but everything was and is fine.

With Mila: and then, after 1,5 year, when my belly with Mila was finally growing a bit and I was waiting very much for the moment, when finally somebody will give me a place to sit in the tram (with Hanna it has never happened, nobody noticed I was pregnant)… the situation simply has repeated. Just 2 weeks earlier. Everything the same: fine fine fine and then… bleeding, ambulance and long weeks in bed.

The second time was easier. I just knew that everything will be fine, just the time is needed. But we had little Hanna at home, which made the situation more challenging. Why is mummy not at home, why she is just in bed, not playing with her? Ehhhh. I don’t wish anybody those lessons.

All those cables connected to your tiny baby, all those alarms, feeling not-needed (because the doctors and nurses can do so much around your baby), having a baby but not having it with you, at home, all the time. Checkings, operations, little or bigger problems: what a swing of emotions!

And those clothes, size 42! Everything is too huge, everything is waiting for your baby to grow. Loooong, looong start Hanna and Mila had. But then it could have been only better. And we wanted so much to spend time together, just together, without doctors and incubator’s glass between us. Maybe this also made us travel together? To catch up on being calmly together?

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There is one thing which still hurts me inside, when I think about it. Or when I read or listen to some stories, of happy births, of sweet calm time with mama and papa, just after going out of the belly. I have never had it. My both girls were immediately taken by a team of doctors to another room. And it’s good, it saved their lives and health, I know and understand it. But it still hurts.

But then I just have to look around and see my two little, sweet, crazy creatures. – Mummy, what are you thinking about? – Hanna asks in a second. – Why are you sad? Can I help you? – And Mila will bring me her rabbit. And everything is fine.

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Soooooo…. all the mothers and all the fathers of the little little babies and/or risky pregnancies: it all can be fine! Just look at us, read some funny sentences of our Hanna, greet your teeth and you can make it! And if you feel like: write to me, I will be happy to share more stories, thoughts and… hope. Nothing helped me more at that time than talking with other mothes. Seriously, do not hesitate: anna.alboth@gmail.com. And aren’t the tiny ones the cutest? ;)


Our first book is out!

We have published our first book (for now just in Polish:) about our Central America Trip.
See, read and order here »

4 Comments

  • Posted November 5, 2013 at 16:08 | Permalink

    Wzruszające i budujące. Po takich górkach razem można wszystko! Zresztą rodzinna energia Was rozpiera :) Cudne dziewczynki wyrosły z taakich okruszków. Pozdrowienia!

    Reply
  • Posted November 5, 2013 at 17:25 | Permalink

    jaki “zbieg okolicznosci”- taki post a ja własnie dzis na wizycie u ginekologa dowiedziałam sie, ze nasza coreczka przestała rosnac i jest duzo zamała jak na swoj wiek ( a raczej na swoje tygodnie)… Jutro czekaja nas nastepne badania aby sprawdzic co i jak, i jak pomoc naszej Malutkiej. Lekarz wspomniał o prowokowaniu porodu…Wtedy nasza Kruszynka tez byłaby wczesniaczkiem… Boje sie i całkowicie rozumiem co wtedy czułas. Wiem jednak, ze wszystko bedzie dobrze. Jakkolwiek bedzie, bedzie tak jak ma byc.

    Reply
  • Olka
    Posted November 10, 2013 at 11:05 | Permalink

    Ja tez w ciazy! Miesiac temu polozna u mnie zauwazyla, ze mam maly brzuch i stwierdzila zatrzymanie wzrostu plodu. Zaczely sie kolejne usg, wizyty w klinikach, byla mowa o ewentualnej indukcji….ALE zaczelam duzo duzo jesc i rownie duzo spac i bobas powrocil do normy( choc podobno takie jedzenie i spanie nic nie daje i lekarze wcale nie zalecali )! Tak czy siak, jak wtedy sie dowiedzialam, ze maluch jest maly, to tez zajrzalam na tego bloga w zakladke about us, zeby wlasnie poczytac o Hani i Mili. Pozdrawiam!

    Reply
  • Posted November 10, 2013 at 14:01 | Permalink

    That’s a great post and you have amazing picture. All our pictures of the hospital’s time are grey or dark.
    I remember that I felt a bit alone, looking for testimony (but didn’t think to look in English) that later everything will be ok. Now, 2 years later, hard to believe we have been through all this difficult time.

    Reply

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